Saturday, October 25, 2008

Do I Look Like a Cow?

I remember the very first time I encountered a public restroom enhanced by progress. I felt like somebody was playing a joke on me. That maybe I was being PUNKED or something!

When the toilet flushed by itself, it just about scared MORE pee out of me!

And what moron hid the knobs on the sink?

And is it really THAT difficult to come up with a "user friendly" paper towel dispenser!?

What triggers the toilet to flush anyway? Is it based on butt weight?

Hmmmm, I doubt it because I'm a squatter! I NEVER sit on public toilets!

Can it be based on some scientific predetermined measurement of my back to the covert location of the sensor?

Hmmmm, I don't think so because sometimes, even when I'm NOT done, it flushes!

To this day, I still haven't figured it out but I like NOT having to touch anything to flush the toilet!

And just as wonderful, with a wave of the hand, water flows in cute little bursts. With another wave of the hand, a generous amount of paper towels is ejected automatically. Magic? No! Progress!

You don't have to touch anything to flush, wash, or dry! How wonderful is that?!!!!

The other day, I went in to use a public restroom and as I walked to the sink, this lady mumbled something to me that sounded like "you must have been raised in a barn." I looked around, thinking she CAN'T be talking to ME. Of course, I wasn't raised in a barn. What? Do I look like a cow or something? She had some nerve!

By now, I was wildly waving every which way at the sink. Darn it all, where is the sensor? Okay, maybe I was waving too fast. I tried to calm myself. Relax. Think happy thoughts. Wave slooooowly. Nothing!

"Turn the knob! You gotta turn the knob." These words were spoken by the lady who called me a cow.

Yeah right--turn the knob, indeed. First, I'm a cow. Now she thinks I don't know how to wash my hands.
What is she gonna tell me next--that I have to pull a lever to get a paper towel?

Lady, don't fight it--just accept progress, okay?


missoulamissions said...

I just had to laugh, but lemme tell you your story so reminded me of my trip to Tx on an airplane last April with Ameryn (3) and at the time well pottytrained may I add...
Well lemme tell you, it was the longset tripof my life, if you think it is bad going to public restrooms yourself, try going with a 3 yearold. those sensors don't work too well with her and everytime she was about to pee... Whoooooosh! and she'd jump up and soooo much for peeing. she was soo affraid of those things, I think she held it for like 10 hours cause she swore she didnt need to go if it ws an automatic potty. I think she is geetting over the trauma of the whole toilet thing, and almost a year later! I dont think they considered the mental and emotional scars they could leave!
Love and miss yall!!
Hope all came out well!!

martha said...

You are so funny!