In my speech at Escape I included The Soldier's Creed. If you don't know--I'm an Army brat--through and through. I love the Army. My whole life has revolved around the Army.
When I practiced my speech day after day for weeks, I would usually not read The Soldier's Creed. How hard is it to read what is right there printed in front of you, right?
When I did practice The Soldier's Creed, I was fine until I got to one particular part. Each time, this one part would make me stop in my tracks and I would feel myself start to cry. Feeling of sadness would swell up inside me. I thought about my Dad, who was a "lifer" in the Army, and all the times had to leave us. Back then, I didn't understand what was going on. Why did Daddy have to leave me? Was it something I did? Why couldn't I go too? All these questions were never answered because I never asked them out loud.
Being married to my soldier husband only three weeks, Zip left me to go to Vietnam. I did understand why he had to go but it didn't make it any easier to live day after day without him. Back then, there was no email. There were only letters, and yes, I've kept ALL the letters he ever wrote to me. While there, he even wrote poems for me. Magical poems that help bridge the distance between us. His words would sing into my heart and would calm the fear and loneliness I felt.
And so. . . as hard as I tried to FORCE myself not to cry while reading The Soldier's Creed, it didn't matter. I ended up crying, re-living my emotions that I had to endure by myself, way back when as a child and as a child bride.
It's one thing to cry in the privacy of your home with nobody looking but it's another thing to cry in front of a group of ladies! I told myself that I CANNOT cry while reading The Soldier's Creed at Escape! I will not cry!!!!!!!
And, I'm happy to tell you that I didn't cry while reading The Soldier's Creed in my speech at Escape.
That doesn't mean my heart wasn't heavy with the sadness I feel to this very day. All the mothers, wives, daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, all the people who must TODAY live with the fear and loneliness of their loved ones being away because "it's their duty to go." Soldiers living The Soldier's Creed everyday of their lives.
No. . . I didn't cry at Escape. . . my tears were hidden, falling quietly, inside myself.
The words that comprise The Soldier's Creed are simple words, nothing complicated about them. It's the meaning behind the words that is anything but simple!
The words are powerful. . . and beautiful. . . but sad at the same time.
A soldier who lives by The Soldier's Creed is a person who is willing to give up their life for you and me! My Dad was willing to do it, as was my husband.
I wanted to share The Soldier's Creed with those attending Escape because I wanted them to know who I was and how I got to where I am today (as a person). I don't live The Soldier's Creed but I saw first-hand two soldiers (my Dad and my husband) who did, and the love I have in my heart for them and this country is beyond measure.
This is The Soldier's Creed--
I am an American Soldier.
I am a Warrior and a member of a team.
I serve the people of the United States and live the Army Values.
I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.
I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.
I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.
I am an expert and I am a professional.
I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.
I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.
I am an American Soldier.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Securely Insecure!
As you know, I'm with The Angel Company (TAC) and last week, we had our Winter Retreat (Escape 2009) here in San Antonio, TX, at the Menger Hotel (by the Alamo).
It was a fantastically fun event! The only part that was causing me great stress was the part where I had to give a 45-minute speech to the group!
And, I'm talking about STRESS--lots of STRESS!!!! So much stress that I wanted to throw up kind of stress.
I would go to sleep, thinking about my speech. I would wake up, thinking about my speech. I practiced my speech everyday for weeks. I would work myself into such a tizzy that sometimes I couldn't eat. My husband makes breakfast for me nearly every morning! Some mornings, I would just sit there and TRY so hard to eat this delicious breakfast but I couldn't.
All I wanted to do was throw up!
You can say that it's "self-imposed" stress. I would have to agree with you. What is there to be afraid of? But, do you really think that by knowing this, it reduces my stress level? NO!!!!!!
On the day I found out that I would have to give a speech at Escape, I was already a basket case! It was very hard to think about anything else.
At first, I was busy WRITING my speech. Took me weeks to get it "just right." After I wrote it, I then had to practice it. It didn't matter what I was doing because in my mind, I was saying my speech. I would sit at my desk in my stamproom and practice saying my speech to the TV and my bucket of stipple brushes. They would just stare back at me, never laughing, never reacting, never doing anything but just sitting there.
Did my speech suck? Was it interesting? Was I saying anything that anybody would want to listen to? Oh the doubts! The stress inside me was building and I was ready to:
1. explode
2. just kill myself and end the torture!
I had 51 pages of "speech." I used a scientific method in laying out my speech on paper! Well, it's a scientific method also known as "Yuki's lame attempts to appear calm and in control while giving a speech."
I am basically a very very shy person. Being shy is not easy to overcome. I have struggled with it all my life. . . still am. And I HATE having to get up in front of people and talk.
I got through my junior and senior high school years by "hiding" behind my camera. I'm a different person when I'm behind my camera! I was the yearbook photographer for 2 years and my camera was my shield from the other students. Back then, without my camera, I was this lame example of a semi-stable person.
I remember when Zip and I were taking a college course (yes, together), Child Growth and Development, and we were told that we had to give a speech, which would count "for a grade." Oh my gosh, my heart stopped. I was a wreck from then on. Not only did I have to give a speech in front of people but I had to do it in front of Zip.
For the speech, we had to work in pairs and could pick any subject dealing with child growth and development. And, yes, no brainer--Zip and I were partners!!!
We did some research and decided to speak about Thalidomide babies. If you have never heard of Thalidomide babies, these are babies whose mothers took the drug Thalidomide to reduce morning sickness. It was taken off the market in 1962 due to the numerous birth defects it caused. We divided the speech into two parts--the part Zip would do and the part I would do.
The day came when we had to give our speech and I was still among the living. . . so you know what that meant? It meant I had to give my part of the speech.
Zip had been telling me to just take index cards and write "words" so I would know what I had to say. I tried that but it wasn't working for me.
I ended up writing exactly what I had to say! I had a "ream" of paper (my speech) with me; Zip had nothing. No notes, no papers, no index cards--nothing.
He gave his part first. He walked around the classroom like he was in charge or something. He said his part of the speech--with no notes! He was GREAT. He was AMAZING. I was in awe of my husband. He didn't need the podium to keep himself from falling down. How in the world can he do that?
He basically ad-libbed his entire speech!!!!!!!!
When it was my turn to give the second part of the speech, I had my entire speech--word for word--with me. I walked very very slowly up to the podium, wishing with all my might that my prayers would be answered and that a bolt of lightning would strike me dead in front of everybody!
But, it didn't happen! I was stuck. I had to give my part of the speech. I couldn't let Zip down. Our grade depended on his part of the speech and my part of the speech.
I held on to the podium for dear life. My hands were trembling and I was scared sh*tless.
I said my part of the speech. I lived through it and we got an A for our efforts. If you were to ask me what I said or what I did during my speech, I would have to ask you, "what speech?" because I can't remember a thing I did or said up there.
I was on remote control! And, no, I didn't READ my speech either. I had it memorized. I DID make eye contact with the group. Zip said I did great and that's all I really cared about.
I aged about 5 years though! I'm sure I stressed out my poor little heart to the max, and I KNOW my blood pressure was off the charts that evening!!!!
Okay, so let's get back to my speech at Escape! Can you feel me now? I am a wreck!
I am the mother of all wrecks!!! I am the ultimate wreck. I am a wreck to end all wrecks.
I have 45 minutes to give a speech. I have 51 pages of a speech that I wrote. I have every word that I'm going to say down on my paper! I now have to memorize my speech!
Using my scientific method, I have to have visual landmarks for my eyes to land on while giving my speech. When I look at these printed landmarks, I have to be so familiar with them and know what they mean with just a glance that it's like second nature to me--hence, the weeks of practicing my speech in front of my TV in the stamproom and my bucket of stipple brushes.
My page breaks must also be at a natural pause during the delivery of my speech. Different thoughts on one page must look different. I used underscoring, bolding, italics, different size fonts, etc, to make them look different.
I have to make sure my eye catches where I have to "emphasize" something in my speech. I practiced--making my voice go down. Making it go up. Saying my lines with no deviations.
You see where science is involved here?
When the day came that I had to give my speech at Escape, I was really sick to my stomach.
It was hard to hear any of the introduction by Mischelle because my heart was pounding so hard. I went up there and you know how they say--to pretend everybody is naked. Well, I pretended they were all stipple brushes. The TV was waaay in the back (just like in my stamproom) so I would look at the TV, then back to the stipple brushes, back to the TV. . . then stipple brushes. . . back and forth.
But this time when I said my speech, the TV and stipple brushes reacted to what I said. It was the weirdest thing! Some of the stipple brushes even giggled at some of the things I said during my speech.
I think I rendered my best "practice" that day at Escape. I hit my "printed landmarks" dead-on and said all my words in the correct order! I even interjected a few "ad-lib" comments here and there and I didn't get all confused as a result. I was able to maintain my focus.
Did I have fun up there? Heck no! Did I look like I was having fun? Probably not!
But, I did it. I think had Zip been there, he would have been proud of me!
The words in my speech came from my heart and how can you go wrong when you speak from your heart? I was also glad that my heart was still beating after my speech!
It was a fantastically fun event! The only part that was causing me great stress was the part where I had to give a 45-minute speech to the group!
And, I'm talking about STRESS--lots of STRESS!!!! So much stress that I wanted to throw up kind of stress.
I would go to sleep, thinking about my speech. I would wake up, thinking about my speech. I practiced my speech everyday for weeks. I would work myself into such a tizzy that sometimes I couldn't eat. My husband makes breakfast for me nearly every morning! Some mornings, I would just sit there and TRY so hard to eat this delicious breakfast but I couldn't.
All I wanted to do was throw up!
You can say that it's "self-imposed" stress. I would have to agree with you. What is there to be afraid of? But, do you really think that by knowing this, it reduces my stress level? NO!!!!!!
On the day I found out that I would have to give a speech at Escape, I was already a basket case! It was very hard to think about anything else.
At first, I was busy WRITING my speech. Took me weeks to get it "just right." After I wrote it, I then had to practice it. It didn't matter what I was doing because in my mind, I was saying my speech. I would sit at my desk in my stamproom and practice saying my speech to the TV and my bucket of stipple brushes. They would just stare back at me, never laughing, never reacting, never doing anything but just sitting there.
Did my speech suck? Was it interesting? Was I saying anything that anybody would want to listen to? Oh the doubts! The stress inside me was building and I was ready to:
1. explode
2. just kill myself and end the torture!
I had 51 pages of "speech." I used a scientific method in laying out my speech on paper! Well, it's a scientific method also known as "Yuki's lame attempts to appear calm and in control while giving a speech."
I am basically a very very shy person. Being shy is not easy to overcome. I have struggled with it all my life. . . still am. And I HATE having to get up in front of people and talk.
I got through my junior and senior high school years by "hiding" behind my camera. I'm a different person when I'm behind my camera! I was the yearbook photographer for 2 years and my camera was my shield from the other students. Back then, without my camera, I was this lame example of a semi-stable person.
I remember when Zip and I were taking a college course (yes, together), Child Growth and Development, and we were told that we had to give a speech, which would count "for a grade." Oh my gosh, my heart stopped. I was a wreck from then on. Not only did I have to give a speech in front of people but I had to do it in front of Zip.
For the speech, we had to work in pairs and could pick any subject dealing with child growth and development. And, yes, no brainer--Zip and I were partners!!!
We did some research and decided to speak about Thalidomide babies. If you have never heard of Thalidomide babies, these are babies whose mothers took the drug Thalidomide to reduce morning sickness. It was taken off the market in 1962 due to the numerous birth defects it caused. We divided the speech into two parts--the part Zip would do and the part I would do.
The day came when we had to give our speech and I was still among the living. . . so you know what that meant? It meant I had to give my part of the speech.
Zip had been telling me to just take index cards and write "words" so I would know what I had to say. I tried that but it wasn't working for me.
I ended up writing exactly what I had to say! I had a "ream" of paper (my speech) with me; Zip had nothing. No notes, no papers, no index cards--nothing.
He gave his part first. He walked around the classroom like he was in charge or something. He said his part of the speech--with no notes! He was GREAT. He was AMAZING. I was in awe of my husband. He didn't need the podium to keep himself from falling down. How in the world can he do that?
He basically ad-libbed his entire speech!!!!!!!!
When it was my turn to give the second part of the speech, I had my entire speech--word for word--with me. I walked very very slowly up to the podium, wishing with all my might that my prayers would be answered and that a bolt of lightning would strike me dead in front of everybody!
But, it didn't happen! I was stuck. I had to give my part of the speech. I couldn't let Zip down. Our grade depended on his part of the speech and my part of the speech.
I held on to the podium for dear life. My hands were trembling and I was scared sh*tless.
I said my part of the speech. I lived through it and we got an A for our efforts. If you were to ask me what I said or what I did during my speech, I would have to ask you, "what speech?" because I can't remember a thing I did or said up there.
I was on remote control! And, no, I didn't READ my speech either. I had it memorized. I DID make eye contact with the group. Zip said I did great and that's all I really cared about.
I aged about 5 years though! I'm sure I stressed out my poor little heart to the max, and I KNOW my blood pressure was off the charts that evening!!!!
Okay, so let's get back to my speech at Escape! Can you feel me now? I am a wreck!
I am the mother of all wrecks!!! I am the ultimate wreck. I am a wreck to end all wrecks.
I have 45 minutes to give a speech. I have 51 pages of a speech that I wrote. I have every word that I'm going to say down on my paper! I now have to memorize my speech!
Using my scientific method, I have to have visual landmarks for my eyes to land on while giving my speech. When I look at these printed landmarks, I have to be so familiar with them and know what they mean with just a glance that it's like second nature to me--hence, the weeks of practicing my speech in front of my TV in the stamproom and my bucket of stipple brushes.
My page breaks must also be at a natural pause during the delivery of my speech. Different thoughts on one page must look different. I used underscoring, bolding, italics, different size fonts, etc, to make them look different.
I have to make sure my eye catches where I have to "emphasize" something in my speech. I practiced--making my voice go down. Making it go up. Saying my lines with no deviations.
You see where science is involved here?
When the day came that I had to give my speech at Escape, I was really sick to my stomach.
It was hard to hear any of the introduction by Mischelle because my heart was pounding so hard. I went up there and you know how they say--to pretend everybody is naked. Well, I pretended they were all stipple brushes. The TV was waaay in the back (just like in my stamproom) so I would look at the TV, then back to the stipple brushes, back to the TV. . . then stipple brushes. . . back and forth.
But this time when I said my speech, the TV and stipple brushes reacted to what I said. It was the weirdest thing! Some of the stipple brushes even giggled at some of the things I said during my speech.
I think I rendered my best "practice" that day at Escape. I hit my "printed landmarks" dead-on and said all my words in the correct order! I even interjected a few "ad-lib" comments here and there and I didn't get all confused as a result. I was able to maintain my focus.
Did I have fun up there? Heck no! Did I look like I was having fun? Probably not!
But, I did it. I think had Zip been there, he would have been proud of me!
The words in my speech came from my heart and how can you go wrong when you speak from your heart? I was also glad that my heart was still beating after my speech!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
It's Still January!!!!
And I'm so thankful for that. Here are the January pages from the Red Hot calendar swap that Gloria hosted back in 2008!!!!The pages are done by
1. Holly Sticken--"It's snowing" (with two snowmen)
2. Jeri Wynn--Glitter snowflakes on vellum
3. Alex Apostolow--"Let It Snow"
GREAT pages and sure fitting for January! In so many parts of the US, it is brrrrrrrr, snowing!!!
Hope you enjoy these fabulous "January" pages! Stay tuned for more next month!!!!
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